Reflection

Welp, it sure has been a while, and one heck of a year... To say that 2018 has been filled with a few ups and downs (and mostly downs, to be quite honest) would be something of an understatement, and as such I feel I'll be unable to communicate exactly how I feel about it in something as simple as words on a screen, so instead of all that, here's a brief summary of everything I've gotten up to in the past year and a bit.

September 2017 (yes it really has been that long)

• Myself and some friends from Puppet Academy met up in Cardiff to do the Doctor Who experience, and after some shenanigans with tickets resulting in my ending up in a different slot to the others the people on the door let us in together anyway
• Second year of university begins following an almost four month summer break, the new (old now) house is a decent place to live but does smell rather strongly of the kebab shop underneath, although I inadvertently managed to dodge the worst of it by claiming the room at the back - which actually ended up being noisier than the others by quite a significant margin - so much for that plan...

October 2017

Yes this is a giant whale made entirely of balloons...

• Near the end of October I attend the annual European Puppetry and Creative Arts Ministry festival, for the first time as part of the Puppet Academy team, which is without question the highlight of 2017, and presented some of the most amazing and ridiculous things I have ever experienced, including this beauty of a picture. On top of that we performed a set of seven songs in the annual showcase, and because we were celebrating the 10 year anniversary of the puppet academy, back by popular demand, possibly the most iconic song in academy history: Victor's Crown (hyperlink to original video). As if that wasn't enough, my team Extreme Puppets also entered two competitions, with two of the best songs we have ever performed: Ding Dong and I've Lost My Sheep, and came second in both, putting the cherry on top of an already incredible cake. The 2017 festival is not one I am likely to forget for a very long time.
• As if October hadn't already been amazing enough, with about 10 minutes left of the month on October 31st, I officially started dating the wonderful Nizzy, who to this day has brought me nothing but incredible good, and I can only hope that I've done and will continue to do likewise

November 2017

• Post festival crash hits, hard. I'd experienced it before, but the added weight of the adrenaline rush from academy leaving my system, and the knowledge that it will likely be another year before I see most of these people again just served to drag me down and down even further than I'd experienced in the past. Think of it a bit like being on top of the world, and then falling down to the centre of the earth. Despite this though I managed to catch up on my missed lab session and get back on top of assignments, at least as far as handing them in on time. It was at some point during this month though that I began to realise I was in some serious trouble w.r.t. impending exam season, and instead of doing the sensible thing and asking for clarification I employed the only tactic I know how... Avoidance. I shut down. It was at this point things started to go seriously wrong, any semblance of a rhythm to my life I had managed to recover following the huge summer break went completely out the window, and I began falling further and further behind.

December 2017

• At some point while all this was going on, I bought a Toobie. It wasn't really the result of an existential crisis so much as a desire to recreate a little bit of the feelings I experienced as a result of academy, and it worked, to an extent. Christmas eve saw Extreme Puppets perform their second ever blacklight song: Oh what a glorious night, and despite requiring me to stand near still in a toobie for almost half an hour, and still neglecting to remember to fasten the body strap, the reaction to seeing it for the first time made it all worth it. Christmas day was somewhat bittersweet as we brought back Ding Dong one final time for the last ever performance of Extreme Puppets under that name. It really was the end of an era.

January 2018

Not really sure why Josh is trying to strangle me, but I seem to be unusually happy about it...

• Kicking off the new year with a bang, I opted to embark on what is probably my most ambitious new years resolution to date. Bible In One Year (BIOY). The goal of this was not so much to read through the whole bible in a year (although that is a nice perk of doing this) so much as it was to train myself to set aside time for God each day, to listen, and to read his word so that I might get to know him better. Writing this in December I can quite honestly say that it's probably one of the best things I've done, and although it definitely hasn't been easy to find time each day it is definitely totally doable, and I honestly can't recommend it enough, regardless of your faith. More on this soon though hopefully! ;)
• January exams went pretty much as expected unfortunately, which is to say, badly, though I did get a first in my C programming module which was somewhat encouraging
• Ending the month was a puppetry training day in Reading, followed almost immediately by a birthday/leaving party of one of my academy friends in London, which gave Academy a much needed chance to meet up and hang out, and it was nice to be able to see everybody again, even if only for a little bit.

February 2018

This is a picture from January which is completely irrelevant to anything in February but I needed to fill a gap ok?

• I said goodbye to my teenage years, and also celebrated my birthday away from home for the first time, which felt exceptionally unusual, but I suppose is just a part of growing up really.
• Exam results came back confirming what I already knew, I would need to re sit them in summer. Thankfully the summer resit period didn't overlap with anything already planned, but knowing I would have to face those modules again really took something out of me and as backwards as it might seem, my motivation for the second semester plummeted.

March 2018

No, that's not the sun, this picture was taken at 3AM...

• I got snowed in! Following some of the worst snow I've ever seen (and a met office red weather warning) Cardiff was buried under well over half a metre of snow, and consequently for about 2 weeks afterward any shop I went into was completely devoid of basic supplies, such as bread and milk. It even got so bad that the uni cancelled lectures and labs and shut its doors completely because conditions were too treacherous to expect students and staff to even leave their houses. Thankfully I was relatively well stocked at the time the snow hit, and so managed completely fine throughout.
• It was around this time that the Christian Union had official handover for 2018, and thanks to an act of pure insanity around the new year, this meant that I was now officially one of three leaders for the then north, now purple, hall group, a weekly small group committed to equipping Christians to share Christ confidently and creatively in halls (whatever that meant). This was pretty overwhelming to begin with, but it's the first time I can really say that I've genuinely felt like I was a part of something in Cardiff, and even though there have been all sorts of challenges so far, It's been such an amazing opportunity and I have met some of my closest friends at university as a result. 
• Oh, did I mention that the training weekend I was supposed to have for this role was cancelled due to snow? No? Ok then...

April 2018

• After a very tense and long seeming wait, I received an email confirming I had been accepted onto the 2018 Puppet Academy. Naturally this was incredibly exciting news, and as a result I don't actually remember anything else that happened this month... sorry... :p

May 2018

• What a month! May kicked off with an academy reunion or sorts at a fun day in Resolven, home of the puppet team Steps of Faith. Among other things, this weekend included: a reimagining of the 2017 academy song Sin. Puppets becoming firefighters for a day and actually using the fire hose. Dancing along with Sam Tân (Fireman Sam) to YHWH (YMCA parody). Friends dressing up as mickey and mini mouse. An incredibly tense cereal box game (which despite my incredible and astounding technique, I still didn't manage to win, much to my disappointment), and to round it all off, an incredibly powerful and fire filled (literally!) testimony from the wonderful Lesley Grey. It was a weekend that certainly won't be leaving me any time soon...
• As if that wasn't enough, This month also brought a rather spontaneous Academy trip to Big Church Day Out 2018, much to the surprise of the lovely people at One Way UK who put the offer out for people to volunteer to help less than two weeks before the event. 4 Free camping tickets arranged later, and a very very generous parent providing lifts, and we were in the middle of a field doing hourly puppet shows for two days in a tent with no air flow on the hottest week of the year, because why not... Despite the intense heat requiring us to literally pour litres of water over our heads for fear of passing out I think all of us would tell you that we would absolutely do it again if the opportunity arose, it was just such a unique opportunity.

June 2018

Seems like I'm the only one taking this seriously enough to actually wear my team colours, but ok I guess...

• June as a month is pretty well known in student circles, and it's approach is met usually with as much fear as it is longing. For me unfortunately this year was the former. Exams were looming and things were looking even more hopeless for me than the ones in January, if such a thing were possible. I managed to scrape through the first, just about, despite forgetting the day it was on and nearly missing it by only realising the night before that I had an exam the next day. (Yes, I really did forget - I was *that* out of it at the time) But the other two can only be described as complete disasters. This meant I was now facing four resits in August as opposed to just two, but at this point I had just decided not to let it get to me, so it wasn't too big a hit mentally thank goodness.
• To celebrate the end of exam season, for the Eighth year (and the Fifth year with this particular team), I entered the annual National Physical Laboratory Water Rocket Challenge. This is basically exactly what it sounds like, you stick fins and a nose cone on a plastic fizzy drinks bottle, fill it with water, pressurise and eventually release the bottle, and points are awarded based on flight duration, and how far the rocket travels, capping out at 30 points for the 65-75 metre range, and decreasing for distances less, as well as more than this. It's a game of figuring out the optimal launch parameters for the conditions on the day as quickly as possible, and it's a lot of fun, but the cherry on top of the cake was the fact we came second this year, Extreme's fourth top 2 finish in 5 years, and my fifth top 2 finish, and although our team leader wasn't there in person, we were able to get him up on stage anyway via video link to collect the prize, which was a really nice way to end the day.

July 2018

• Perhaps the most unusual thing I did this year came in the form of a film project. Initially titled "I've lost my sheep - the movie" and later renamed "I've lost my sheep - the musical" and then finally "Timmy and the Tyrant" this collaboration between the people of the Puppet Academy and the charity LAMPS Collective saw us spend three days in a field near Oxford working on masterpieces such as "I'm a Bad Wolf" and "The Fight", and while unfortunately there wasn't enough time to get everything done that we really wanted to do, these videos still exist as standalone things you can watch, and the songs and story were eventually used in the 2018 production of Beasts of Bethlehem.
• July's main event came in the form of New Wine, a Christian festival for churches and families, which is always a highlight of my year, however this time was a little bit different. In the past I've always attended this event on week 2, but because of school holidays ending later, week two was moved a week later than usual this year, and as such directly clashed with Puppet Academy. In a clash of titans that's a bit like Superman against Steve from next door, it's not even a close contest, and so I managed to convince the people of Extreme that "We really want to go week one without all those funny adults around" (and yes, I understand the irony in that statement now that the youngest of the people going is 19 - but don't judge me...). Regardless, the week was a lot of fun, if a little unusual without all the regulars, and I would definitely do it again if the option arose.

August 2018

Action shot from our first rehearsal of "The Artist"

• Here it is, the big one. Puppet Academy 2018 was once again almost certainly the best thing I did this year. It might not have lived up to quite the level of hype I had built up for it since the last one, but considering the insane level of hype I had built up for it, that's not even necessarily a bad thing, and the puppetry this year was just on another level to anything I could have predicted, hoped or even dreamed to be a part of. David and Fi put so much work into the whole thing, and into looking after us and making sure we're ok, and the whole academy team just has this incredible sense of support that I've never been able to find in quite the same way with anything else. We're just one massive crazy family. We eat like kings thanks to the amazing Fliss, and the seemingly never-ending supplies of sweet treats and snacks. We sleep less than students with 5000 deadlines in less than a week, (18 hour days are no joke) and consume about as much sugar to keep us awake and motivated, and despite that we love every single second of it!
• Summer resits came shortly afterward, and went terribly as expected, just in time to dampen the mood of my August and set me up badly for the new academic year. Having failed 60 credits worth of module I was now in a position where I needed to organise a repeat year. Something I had expected might be necessary, but with no information anywhere about how to go about it the stress just kept building and building, and a £430 unpaid water bill notice certainly didn't help things It was not looking like a good start to the year.

September 2018

OK, this might have been taken in August, but I'm mentioning it in September because technically I was still at forum when this month started so I'm talking about it here... (and otherwise I had no pictures for this month...)

• Then Forum happened. I honestly can't say I was expecting much from Forum National (A week long event dedicated to training leaders and influencers in Christian Unions) since I don't really feel like much of a leader most of the time, but I was pleasantly surprised by the week. It seemed like there was never a dull moment. Seminars were genuinely very interesting and insightful, and the morning and evening worship each day was something else entirely (apparently I'm a lot more charismatic than my fellow hall group leader from the week would have ever expected from me? Not sure how I'm supposed to take that - I blame my church...). On top of that it was really nice to get to know some of the people from the CU a bit better and to spend some time growing and learning together. Forum probably beats out New Wine in terms of things I did this year, which says a lot given how highly I've rated the latter in past.
• I started year 2 of uni, again... If there is one positive of this it's that I'm now in the same academic year as all my fellow HG leaders and so slightly less odd I guess? not really sure but I'm gonna call it a positive because there aren't many others. Freshers week was pretty interesting this year, I ended up doing Living Water twice with the CU (which for those who aren't aware, means standing outside the SU on club nights giving out hot chocolate to drunk people). It's a late night for sure, but it's a lot of fun, and a really good opportunity to share the good news with the lost, and so definitely worth it. Hall group leaders also hosted a pub quiz, which was pretty interesting, and was a pretty nice introduction to events and such (even if the people I did end up speaking to on that night didn't actually end up in my group).

October 2018

• There are a lot of negative things I could say about October and November, and I mean A LOT, but I don't really think I need to depress you all with that lot, so instead here's something positive! On the night of Halloween (which I don't celebrate but whatever) myself and Nizzy celebrated our official one year anniversary! (Despite it being the one day that week we weren't actually physically together... good planning us...) It honestly amazes me that Nizzy has been willing to stick with me through everything going on this year, and she just means so much to me. I don't know what I did to deserve her, but she really is something incredibly special, and it's been amazing to have been able to know her this past year. I love her so much! (soppy stuff over)

November 2018

So Will I Unwrapped

• The highlight of my year, the European Puppetry and Creative Arts Ministry Festival (my goodness is that a mouthful...) Oh my goodness this year was something else! To say the bar was raised this year would be the understatement of the century (for the blacklight at least). The academy showcase this year was beyond insane, and I didn't think that was possible after Can't stop me now last year. Two of the songs we performed, Rend Collective's "The Artist" and the greatest showman's "Come Alive" employed some of the most intricate and insane (read: potentially dangerous) props I have ever seen as part of an academy showcase, and the artist in particular was so intricate we had never done a perfect run in practice, and had about seven different contingency plans in case something went wrong (not even exaggerating here). The feeling on the night when we absolutely nailed the showcase cannot be reasonably compared to anything I have ever experienced, and I think I jumped about four feet in the air in excitement in my blacklight gear when we pulled off The Artist flawlessly. To top it all off, we ended the showcase with Hillsong's "So Will I". a song that I have wanted to do in blacklight ever since I first heard it. It's not often I watch something back like that and get shivers, but man... Watching that song come together was something seriously special, and It's not one I'm likely to forget any time soon.

December 2018

• A new challenger awaits! Wait no, I mean a new puppet team...? What? Anyway, enough of the confusion. I have a new puppet family! Technically this is not really particularly new, but Christmas season is the busiest time of the year and all that, so this month probably represents the largest percentage of all the stuff I've done with Steps of Faith thus far, and also I have a fancy new sparkly t-shirt now with my name on it, which ever since I first saw them at EPMF 2013 has been something of a life ambition of mine (well not really, I didn't even know these guys back then, but I did kiiiiiiiiinda wanna get a fancy puppet shirt...), second only to owning an academy top (of which I now have two). These guys have been honestly beyond amazing this past year with how much they have supported me through all that has happened, despite everything else going on right now and it wouldn't be right of me to do a year in review blog and not include them. We might be more spread out than usual as a team, but we're no less of a family, and we're there for each other when it matters most. Steps of Faith, you really are something incredibly special, and I'm honoured to be a part of it.
• Being back home from university for Christmas can mean only one thing. Blacklight. This year was a little different from last year, as due to a lack of any significant amount of rehearsal time, it was necessary to do a fair bit more forward planning than usual to make sure we were able to get something finished in the window we had. As a result, mostly because I was probably the most enthusiastic, it fell to me to plan the song. After much deliberation and conferring with the team, it was decided that the song we were going to do was "It's about the cross" by Go Fish. and so storyboarding began. I don't normally go to quite this length when planning floobies, but in this case I was attempting to adapt an old puppet academy song - originally performed by 12 puppeteers with 14 floobies - into a format that would work with just 7. The video we took to put on our youtube channel wasn't by any stretch our best run, that happened in the actual performance, but I think we for the most part did a pretty good job, and the entire team worked incredibly hard to make it happen, so huge thanks to them.
• Somewhere in between our two blacklight rehearsals I got a train to a tiny little request stop in the middle of nowhere in west wales for half 1 in the morning to help at a steps of faith event. Yes that happened.
• I Finished Bible In One Year! Wow, what a way to end 2018... I legitimately thought I was going to quit at about day 30, but here we are I guess. Accountability and structure really does do wonders for motivation, and the further I got through the more excited I was to read the word, and the more motivated I was to finish. So much so that I'm planning on doing it all over again next year, but hopefully more on that to come in the not too distant future!

January 2019 and beyond...

You can do this.

Well here we are! There's no denying that 2019 is going to be one heck of a mountain to climb. It's by no means insurmountable, God is and always will be faithful and it's a climb I can definitely do, but as things currently stand I am walking a line millimetres from losing my place on my degree course. I'm out of second chances, it's pass January exams, or I'm out. No ifs, no buts, that's it. I'm not going to sugar coat it, it's not looking good. If I can get to the end of this month, and my exams, in one piece, then I'm relatively secure until June, but if not then I'm likely to find myself in a pretty awkward spot. Even if I can get to the end of this year without any major mishaps it's not looking likely that I'm going to be able to cope with third year physics, and with that in mind I'm going to have some pretty difficult decisions to make come September. Either way, for the moment the best thing I can do is focus on the present. The here and now. In the words of the apostle Matthew (6:34): "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will have its own worries. Each day has enough trouble of its own." I know God will never put me in a situation that he hasn't equipped me to face, and he will lead me where he wants me to go if I just learn to listen to what he's saying. I just have to trust that he knows what he's doing.

With that in mind, I want to end this post with a couple of resolutions for the year ahead. These may not seem like much, but I have a feeling they will be what gets me through it all, and putting them here seemed like a good idea for accountability's sake.

1. Pray. The first and almost without question the most important resolution. If I want to have any hope of surviving this year I'm going to need prayer, and lots of it. Prayer is powerful, and it works! It might not seem like much, but in reality it's everything, and I'm lost without it.
2. Read. The second, and argueably almost as important resolution is to continue to set aside time each day to read the bible. Probably through a second run of BIOY, but now that I'm done with that, if I find a better method of consistently doing it I'm not ruling out switching to that instead. As a wise person once said: "Complaining about a silent God when your bible is closed is like complaining about not getting texts when your phone is turned off"
3. Find Joy. The third and final resolution is to always continue to seek the good in every situation, no matter how bad it might seem. This is something the value of which cannot be overstated, and something which I have learned a huge amount about in the past year spending time around Steps of Faith, and it is something I feel will become more and more important as I go through this year, particularly with recent developments, but it's also something I have historically not been very good at, so 2019 is likely to be a huge challenge.

With all that out the way I guess the only thing left is for me to wish you all a very very happy new year! I only hope that 2019 is a better year for all of us...

Thanks guys.