It's the little things...

OK, so it's been 2 weeks...

Oops...

By this point, some of you are probably wondering what I've been doing. Some of you have probably given up all hope that I'm ever going to post again, and most of you probably couldn't care less, but whatever. It's been 2 weeks, stuff's happened, I don't even remember what I put in my last post, so sorry if some stuff here gets repeated, but just a quick summary of "stuff I been doin.":

• Caught "Fresher's flu"
• Got so sick I went home
• Broke my record for most sleep in a night (12 hours)
• Broke my record for least sleep in a night (3 hours)
• Wrestled with Cardiff university "Eduroam" network after my tablet would not connect
• Decided I hate labs and everything it stands for (again)
• Missed assignment deadlines due to overcomplicated computer system
• Run out of food (twice)
• Been sent back to uni with almost out of date milk which then needed to be thrown out
• Attempted to write blog posts several times but never had anything to write about
• Realised 2 weeks have passed and I've not posted

So yeah, that's you mostly caught up on what I've been doing for the past 2 weeks, it's really not very interesting, but for some reason there are people who want to know, so hey, who am I to deny them that?

One thing I haven't mentioned though: Churches. 

So far I've been to two. Cardiff Vineyard and River City. 

Ruth and Adam came down two weeks ago now to "do church in Cardiff" and honestly, I was very grateful that I know people who would come all this way just to make sure I'm OK. I'd been making excuses to try and get out of going, but you can't exactly turn down people prepared to drive for 2 hours to make sure you have a church connection, so I went.

We ended up in Cardiff Vineyard, as the closest church to Uni Hall, and it seemed like quite a nice place. At a guess I'd say there were about 150 people, so it was quite nice as it wasn't too big. After the service they had a student lunch, and anyone who's been to university knows free food is good. We played mind games, and ate food, and talked about random stuff, and it turns out that there is someone from Christ Church Abingdon who goes to vineyard, not that I can remember their name, or knew them before, but hey, small world right? 

Of course, Zoe was the main attraction of the student lunch, since random toddler in the middle of students stands out a bit, but hey. My verdict on Vineyard? Pretty good, and definitely somewhere I could settle, but not necessarily a place I want to settle without trying others first.

Which brings me to today.

So, I skipped a week because I was ill and at home, but the trip to Vineyard made me resolve to try and find a church to settle in, so this morning I set an alarm for 8:30, dragged myself out of bed and walked all the way down to the union for the church walk. I was supposedly meeting Jordan, but as I later found out he was asleep until 3 in the afternoon, so that didn't happen, but after trying to contact him 4 separate times and receiving no response I decided to abandon what little fragments of a plan I had and just go to a random church, so I loaded up my Fusion student linkup app and was looking at church locations, and then I saw the message from River city. The River city student rep looked kinda lonely at the time, so I decided to go with them see what it was like.

River City is a really small church, about 30-40 people, they are very informal, which I liked, and they have a start time of 10:30, but actually start closer to 11, giving people plenty of time to get there and get settled. Good news, since it's a 45 minute walk from my hall. The church has a really nice atmosphere, despite not being very big, and even not having its own building (meeting in the music college), and I suspect I might go back there at least once, if not to stay there.

I've been thinking, both today, and for a while now, that sometimes it's the little things that make the biggest impact on us. Admittedly, if you were to ask me I'd have said the most impactful thing that has happened to me was Soul Survivor 2012, and that isn't exactly small, quite the opposite in fact, but since then I've come to realise that God can be there at least as much in the little things as he is in the big. I went to both New Wine and Soul Survivor this year, and if you were to ask me which one had the bigger impact I'd have actually told you New Wine. While it's not technically a smaller event (there were 14,000 people on site at one point) the way its set up means that at no point everyone is together, so a lot of the meetings are quite a bit smaller. On top of this, I actually went to New Wine on the stepping stones team, (Hence the abundance of stepping stones t-shirts, for any of my flat mates that got this far on my blog).

I've just realised that I've been trying to write this post for 10 hours, and I can't work out exactly how to phrase what I wanted to say, so honestly, I'm just gonna give up at this point, it can't really be expressed as words on a screen. If anyone wants to know exactly what's going through my head, I'm not sure I'll ever be able to express it, but I can try and explain it at some point if I see you in person. Sorry for the abrupt ending, I just don't know where I'm going.

Oh, one thing I can tell you though. I'm going to EPMF 2016! I wasn't sure it was going to be possible, but I've managed to find trains at sort of the right times, so more on that when details are confirmed, but it's something to look forward to.

Worst day ever...?

OK, I caught "Fresher's flu" and it sucks. Sore throat, aches and pains, drowziness and a constant feeling of being cold no matter how many layers I put on. I've not eaten much for the past few days, partly because I haven't been hungry and partly because theres no food in my cupboard to eat, feeling as ill as I am I don't want to leave my bedroom, so the whole thing is a viscous circle spiralling down and down.

Freshers flu by itself would be bad enough, but today, for the first time ever, my alarm failed me.
I had a lecture scheduled for 9 AM, my first one ever at the university. What time do I wake up? 9:20...

The first thing I noticed was that I wasn't as tired waking up as I had expected myself to be, that should have prepared me, but no. I looked at the clock and I saw 9:20. Not only had I massively overslept (the plan was to wake up at 7:30) but I had just 10 minutes to wake up, get ready and actually catch the bus!

For any of you who aren't aware, I'm not exactly particularly close to the physics building, so to illustrate the extent of the problem here's a picture:

Essentially, the Cardiff School of Physics and Astronomy, where I was headed, is a 45 minute walk from my halls. Being in uni hall we get a free study bus, but it's hourly, which means that if you miss it, you're in serious trouble. At the absolute earliest, I was going to arrive at the physics building at about 5 past 10, not only missing the first lecture but also the first part of the second lecture. Not a good start to my time at university.

Labs today was an absolute nightmare. While theoretically it should have been interesting, trying to determine the drag coefficient of air using muffin cases, the lab just dragged on and on and on... I had an awful headache all through the session, and my entire body ached. By the end of the 3 hours I seriously wanted to just go to a corner and sleep for the rest of time. On top of all this, when you have just taken 100 measurements for the time taken for a muffin case to reach the floor, it's totally utterly soul destroying to discover that you've plotted a graph on the wrong scale, using the wrong variables which you accidentally made a mistake in calculating.

To top it all off though, the lab finished at just after 4. The bus back to my hall left the Trevithick building at 4 exactly, and, as I think I've already mentioned, it's an hourly bus. I was therefore left stuck in the rain, without a coat, as in my rush to leave in the morning I had neglected to bring one, forced to pay £1.80 for a bus fare or walk. (I chose the former)

Oh, and did I mention I have no food?

Today was not a good day...

It's Complicated...

So it's been a few days since I last posted, and I figured I had to do something about that, to give a quick run down on the past few days before I get properly into this post, since last posting I have:

• Finished inductions
• Been assigned a personal tutor and student mentor
• Picked the optional modules "Engaging Physics" and "Planet Earth"
• Averaged about 5 hours sleep, mostly my own fault
• Read two thirds of the book "Cupcakes, Trinkets and Other Deadly Magic" (Thanks Taz!)
• Gained nearly 16 million firemaking experience on the game RuneScape (equivalent to about 18/19 hours play time, don't judge me...)
• Achieved Silver V on League of Legends, 3 years late...
• Met fellow physics student Alan for Coffee (Hot Chocolate)
• Cooked 4 meals, and then subsequently run out of food in the cupboard, but not died
• Joined the Chaos society, and then somehow managed to not make it to any of their events
• Been kept up until almost 4 AM by flat mates singing in the kitchen
• Spent 5 hours doing labs prep, and decided I hate uncertainties and everything they stand for
• Thought of about 3 or 4 blog posts, and then not posted them
• Met up with Ruth, Adam and Zoe
• Gone to a random church, Cardiff Vineyard, which probably won't be the only church I visit but is definitely somewhere I feel I could settle, and will probably return to at least once
• Survived freshers week without consuming alcohol!

Last but not least, I think I've decided that life here is not so bad! I've met some great people here, (Alice wanted a mention, but all my flat mates are great really. And everyone else I've spoken to!) and despite being in a flat of 11 as one of the most socially awkward, introverted people you're ever likely to meet I think I'm doing all right, which is the complete opposite of the panic attacks of just over a week ago right now. If anything I think having more people around is better, because there's always someone around in the kitchen to talk to when cooking and stuff, although I don't spend a whole lot of time there, and when I do I make the most boring unadventurous food you can think of (plain pasta with breaded chicken) but that really isn't the point.

Anyway, with that out of the way, you might be starting to wonder... "What's complicated"

The honest answer really is, everything, but the specific thing I'm talking about here is the question of my faith, how I present it and how other people see it. 

(On a side note, the purpose of this post is not to try and convert anybody, it is to share something that has been on my mind now for months, and I apologise if it comes across that way)

At this point, at least 3 different people have asked me the question "Are you religious?" 

My Answer? "It's complicated..."

I will now try and explain what I mean by this, but as a warning, I've not worked out exactly how to explain it yet, so sorry if it is difficult to follow or inadvertently offends somebody. When I say "It's complicated" what I am not trying to do is hide the fact I have a faith. I am a Christian, I believe in God, and I believe that Jesus died and was raised so that through his death we might live. I realise any non Christians reading this will probably think I'm some sort of crazy person for believing this, but heck, I'm going to put this on my blog anyway, so go ahead and call me crazy, there are many other things I do which are equally as crazy (Just to give an example, I now have 9,260 hours logged on the game RuneScape, which equates to well over a year spent logged in). But I'm getting sidetracked...

So yes, I'm a Christian, and I try to be open about it. I'm not as open about it as I would like to be, but if someone asks me I no longer try and hide the fact, but am I religious? To the person asking the question, yes, I am. I believe in God, so therefore I must be religious, right...?

Actually, I would have told you otherwise, and this is where it gets complicated. I've never liked the word "religion" I always feel like it is far too nonspecific, and conveys the wrong ideas. To me, a religion is something to be followed religiously, something with rules and regulations which must be adhered to in order to achieve something better. When an atheist hears the word religion, this is immediately what they think of, and what are rules and regulations to be followed if not a chore. Religion to an atheist sounds like something dull, something they don't want any part of.

Christianity to me is the exact opposite of these things. Instead of being bound to a certain code of practice, having to work your way to enlightenment, we have instead been freed, so that we may have life to the full, now and always. Being a Christian is not a chore, far from it! It's an invitation to the best party ever! There were always going to be ups, and there were always going to be downs, and nobody said it was going to be easy, but it's life to the full, and as Miriam Swaffield put it: "you can't half jump off a bridge" You can stand there, on the edge, attached to the bungee cord and never committing to the jump, or you can take the risk and experience all life has to offer.

Now, having compared being a Christian to a bungee jump, you can probably tell why I wouldn't call myself a religious person. No religion I know of gets followers to jump off bridges attached to bungee cords for no reason other than because it's a vaguely terrifying yet at the same time fun experience. It just doesn't fit together in anybodies heads.

I think sometimes Christianity gets a bit of a bad rep, from street preachers and the like saying you will go to hell if you don't repent and confess your sins. All that people like that are ever likely to achieve is alienating people who are non believers. It's partly for this reason that I prefer to communicate my faith through my actions, rather than shoving it down peoples throats. A kind action for Jesus will go a lot further than a few words. It's for this reason it may seem like I'm hiding my faith at times. I don't want to force anything on anybody, because ultimately it's their decision, not mine, and it's meaningless if you're not able or willing to live by it.

Honestly I don't know how to end this, so I suppose it's going to be a bit abrupt, but if anyone wants to talk about literally anything related to my faith, or even just random other stuff I'll try and be around, just don't try and contact me at ridiculous o'clock!

Circles

Today consisted of a lot of circles.

Our induction today included an IOP mechanics survey, which supposedly is so they can get an idea of the sort of level we're at at the end of A level. It was essentially 30 multiple choice mechanics questions, for no purpose other than collecting anonymous information. Anyway, it had a lot of circles on it, both circular motion questions and circles to fill in on the answer sheet in response. When that was done I went on a round trip to KFC, since I had been planning to be back at uni hall for lunch, but realised I wouldn't be, and it just happened to be a conveniently placed source of food. (No, I do not plan on doing that regularly, lunch cost me more than my entire daily food budget)

When I got back to the Trevithick building we had a short talk about student mentors, and then were assigned mentor groups, the idea being that while we're here we have someone to go to who isn't a member of staff, so we can relate to them a bit better, and not feel intimidated. My mentor is a guy called Lewis, who seems nice (although I have to say that because he is quite possibly reading this, Lewis, I'm sorry if I just offended you by adding this bracket, and now I'm in a hole and I'm keeping on digging in the vague hope that one day I might get out the other side... Don't judge me...). In all seriousness though, it's nice to know that there is someone like that I can go to if I'm struggling. Settling in so far has been pretty tough, although now I'm getting to know people a bit better it's not so bad. I've not really made many connections with people on my course so far, because even though I have a group chat for physics people, I don't recognise anybody, and anybody who knows me knows I'm terrible at initiating conversations. (Again, sorry if anyone from said group chat is offended by this). So far I've spoken to about 5 physicists, 3 for more than about 5 minutes, and one of those 3 I'm living with, so it was inevitable.

Anyway, back to circles, so I finished the mentor session at 14:25 and realised the uni hall bus wasn't going to appear for at the least half an hour. Having nothing better to do, I decided to walk to the SU to kill some time and get on the bus sooner, at which point I reallised that the societies fair was today. Of course, by this point it was quarter to 3, and the bus was due to arrive in 5 minutes, so I didn't really have time to look around much. I certainly wasn't convinced I wanted to spend an hour by myself at the union if I missed the bus, so I sent a message to my flat group chat asking if anyone was down at the union, then after receiving no response got on the bus back to uni hall. Of course at this point Michael from my flat sends a message saying he wants to come down to the union, so I made the decision to get the bus straight back down from uni hall. Unbeknownst to me, as I had got on the bus to go back to my halls, Leonie had just got off the exact same bus at the exact same place, and had I reallised this I would have saved an hour round trip, oh well... I actually feel a bit sorry for Leonie, because I'm under the impression she had nothing to do for the entire time I was gone, although I suppose that's what you get for not responding to my messages! (And with that I've definitely offended somebody, sorry Leonie... Stop digging holes Jack)

Oh, I did buy a cool poster today, that's about it really. I think over the weekend I'm gonna try and make my room feel a bit more homely, so I might put some pictures up of that if I get the chance, watch this space.

Induction

So I had my physics induction today, 9:15 AM Trevithick building T/2.09. Woke up at half 7, assuming I'd have more than enough time to get there, and after having breckfast had a minor panic attack when I reallised it was 8:25, and the bus leaves at 8:30. It's worth mentioning at this point that I hadn't put my shoes on, or located my keys, ID cards or money. By some miracle, I made it to the bus, which then inevitably, in a big city, got stuck in rush hour traffic. 40 minutes later I arrived at the physics buildings, and was fortunately able to locate T/2.09 fairly quickly, thanks to a very helpful receptionist. I arrived at my induction at 9:13 AM

9:30 came and went, and still nothing happened, I guess they expect people to be late on their first day. Oh well...

Annoyingly though, this means that even if I catch the slightly earlier bus, at 8:20, I'm going to be late to 9 AM lectures. Guess I'd better get used to walking...

On that note, I missed the bus back, and it's hourly, so I then had to wait for the next bus or walk, in the end I decided to wait, so I met Jordan, complained about his hall being so close to the physics building, waited for the bus, walked to the SU for the next bus, looked at the bus and decided to walk back anyway. Don't ask why. (I needed bread from Lidl)

Argueably the worst decision I have ever made. I bought 4 litres of fruit juice and had to haul it all the way up the hill. What should have been a 30 minute walk ended up taking closer to an hour, as I had to keep stopping to rest my arms and catch my breath. I really hope Uni hall does deliveries, because I'm not sure I am able to do that on a regular basis.

Anyway, the rest of my day was relatively uneventful, if you ignore the fact it's currently nearly 2 AM and my flat mates are having a conversation in the corridor having just got back from a paint party. Wewp!

Identity

Today, was a lot more eventful than yesterday. I was woken up at around 10 (yes, that's early... don't judge me) by one of my flat mates Kestra trying to work our intercom. After grabbing a quick breakfast I was offered a lift down to the SU to pick up ID cards, so I went. Upon arriving I was given a ticket and told it would be about an hour, at which point I bumped into Nick, a fellow physicist. Actually, he bumped into me, I wouldn't have recognised him, but to all you doubters out there, my unique hair does have it's uses! So me, Kestra and Nick were all stuck watching a screen for 2 hours waiting for our numbers to show up. In hindsight, we probably should have gone to do something else, but no, we just stood around not doing a whole lot other than talking to each other. it was dull, but it was an excuse to be sociable, so I suppose I can't complain too much.

1:43 pm, and I finally reach the end of the queue. The whole process could definitely have been handled a lot better, but it was certainly an interesting experience. I got my ID card, and decided to walk back up to Uni hall. Mistake...

So it turns out my accommodation is not only an absolute trek from the university. It's also at the top of a flippin' great big hill. THE ENTIRE WALK WAS UPHILL!!!!!!!!!

Thankfully I didn't get lost, so I arrived back at uni hall exhausted, but in one piece, and somehow, in the space of a few hours, my number of flat mates doubled. We're still missing one, but 10 of the 11 are now accounted for. I still don't know all the names of people, but I'm making progress! 

Oh, and Amar blew up a bottle of Prosecco, that was exciting...

Home?

Another day has gone, and this one was even more uneventful than the last. Two new flat mates turned up, so there are now 5 of us, though I suspect, since I only saw one of them move in, that the other has been here since yesterday. That or he moved in really really early this morning.

I've not even really left my flat today, well that's not true, I left briefly to walk down the hill to buy food for dinner, but that's it. Tomorrow promises to be more interesting, however. I'm going down to the SU to pick up my ID card, and hopefully explore a bit, break up the boredom!

Honestly though, so far my feelings towards uni as a whole are pretty negative. The fact I can't play games on my computer sucks, but to be honest the real thing bothering me is that I'm alone. Yes, there are people in my flat, and they seem like nice people, but I'm effectively trapped, on my own, in a strange city. The reality of everything is setting in, and it's a harsh one. The next few weeks are not going to be easy, but they will define my experience.

I have a sort of "daily quotes" calendar, with a thought, quote or bible verse for each day of the year, and today, of course, I get this:
 
Honestly, at this point I'm pretty convinced I'm being laughed at. University is the complete opposite of easy for me. I'm in a place that, although it is my home, feels nothing like home, with people that, although they live with me, feel nothing like my family, and if I don't actively go out and get food to eat I won't be able to eat. You could hardly have thrown me in more of a deep end. In the space of under a day, my entire life has changed, and right now all I want is to see a familiar face, but the only familiar faces are 100 miles away. I want to go home, but my home is here now, in Cardiff, and running away is never going to solve anything. I just have to make the best of it...